Hi, I’m Ruth, and because of colorectal cancer, I fear not being able to see my kids grow up.

In March 2020, I was unable to pass gas or solids, had a swollen stomach and experienced nausea to the point where I couldn’t even drink water or tea without vomiting. After a visit to the hospital, I was confirmed to have stage 4 colorectal cancer.

My doctor’s recommended treatment plan comprised a partial colectomy and chemotherapy. Relying on my doctor's expertise and guidance, I proceeded with this treatment regimen.

My journey with colorectal cancer began unexpectedly, without any prior symptoms.

It was a very stressful day when I took my son to the hospital for a pediatric appointment, and I found myself unable to pass any gas or solids when I went to the bathroom. Initially, I attributed it to stress for the appointment, but after this problem persisted for 3 days, I consulted my general practitioner (GP), who suggested a stool softener. While it provided temporary relief, my stomach soon swelled up again.

A few days later, following another visit to my GP and a subsequent recommendation to visit the emergency department (ED) for a possible enema, I found myself unable to eat much and experiencing nausea and vomiting. I then asked my husband to take me to the ED, but they couldn’t figure out what the blockage was. They admitted me to the surgical assessment unit (SAU) for a further computed tomography (CT) scan.

Later that night, my registrar for the evening informed me that the blockage was suspected to be cancerous, and the CT scan revealed two blips on my liver that could be cancer too. After a biopsy on my bowel was done, it was confirmed that I had stage 4 colorectal cancer.

Following the diagnosis, my emotions were turbulent, but I made the effort to exercise more frequently and keep my fitness in check.

My treatment journey consisted of the recommended plan of a partial colectomy along with chemotherapy. Relying on my doctor's expertise and guidance, I proceeded with this treatment regimen. Deciding upon my treatment plan made me feel anxious and scared, but motivated at the same time.

While undergoing treatment, I encountered several side effects that posed challenges to my well-being. Hair loss, peripheral neuropathy, and weight fluctuations were among the most notable. Although managing these symptoms proved difficult, I persevered with determination, trying to stay warm and limit exposure to others as much as possible.

Since starting my treatment, I've made some permanent modifications to my lifestyle. One significant shift has been in my approach to diet. While I used to eat less healthily, now I prioritize eating a healthier diet for at least half the week. Moreover, I've been making an effort to exercise more.

Another aspect of my life that has changed since being diagnosed with colorectal cancer is my relationship with my children, which has strengthened. We spend more time hanging out together, on top of more frequent family trips.

Looking ahead, my family plans to continue enjoying our regular holidays together.

Rather than having any grand dreams, my focus has been on my family throughout my cancer journey. I strive not to let frustration take over, and prioritize spending time and making memories together. I try to take as many pictures together as a family so they’ll remember me.

My biggest fear throughout my journey was that I wouldn’t be around to see my kids grow up or grow old with my husband.

I’m always worried that if I’m gone, maybe someone else would be their mother or wife instead.

I try my best to cope with this fear every day.

Today, even though it’s been awhile since I was first diagnosed, my emotions still revolve around anger, fear, and sadness. I’m frightened, helpless, isolated and lonely. I also feel powerless and vulnerable.

Be kind to yourself. Engage in open conversations with others and don't hesitate to seek assistance when needed.