What to Say (and Not Say) to Someone With Prostate Cancer

It can be a struggle finding the right words, knowing that a loved one has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Sometimes, you may not even know what to say at all.

While it differs from person to person, someone who has received a cancer diagnosis may feel vulnerable and sensitive. Despite best intentions, what you say may not always be what they want to hear. At such times, being there and listening may be more welcome.

What to say to someone with cancer, and what should you avoid? Here are some do’s and don’t’s to consider, so you may offer the best support to someone you care about as they face prostate cancer.

1. Be prepared. Equip yourself with a basic understanding of prostate cancer before starting a conversation with someone who has the disease. This will help you to have a more informed and empathetic conversation. Understanding the potential side effects of prostate cancer treatments such as hormone therapy can help you empathize with your friend's experiences and provide better emotional support.
   
   
2. Say nothing at all. You are allowed to say, “I don’t know what to say”, but show that you care by continuing with, "I'm here to listen if you ever want to talk about anything”. Giving them a listening ear can be enough to provide comfort.
   
   
3. Make the effort to initiate conversation, but follow their lead. Ask them about their day, or bring up news about their usual interests. If they don’t seem into it, then ask if they’re feeling alright. Give them space to share their feelings, concerns or thoughts about their situation.
   
   Their emotional needs and preferences may fluctuate. Some days, they may be open to discussing their illness, while on other days, they may prefer not to. These preferences can change daily. For instance, after a chemotherapy session, they may feel too tired to engage in conversation but would appreciate having company nearby. On other occasions, they may be going through an emotional roller coaster and really need someone to talk to or vent to. Respect their boundaries and be understanding if they choose not to delve into details.
   
   
4. Talk about regular things. Sometimes, talking about normal, everyday life can be a welcome distraction. Share stories, updates and experiences from your life to provide a break from the negativity your friend is facing. Talk to them like how you would normally, be it with a stupid joke, or gossip about your boss.
   
   
5. Offer to spend time with them. Often, it's not just the words we say, but the actions we take that can make a significant difference in lifting their spirits. Go for a walk if your friend is up for it. Or having your friend sit nearby while you cook a meal for them. Suggest watching a nice Netflix show together. Simply spending time together can be a great distraction from negative thoughts.
   
   
6. Let them know you are there for them. A simple reminder to convey your heartfelt support for your friend. It can be a text message such as “thinking about you”, or a phone call. Keep it short without probing for information or overwhelming your friend. It lets them know that they can rely on you during this challenging time.

1. Say anything insensitive or inappropriate. “Everything is going to be okay” may not be the most sensitive or appropriate thing to say to someone with cancer. Prostate cancer, like any serious illness, can vary in its severity and prognosis. Saying that everything will be okay can be overly optimistic and may not reflect the reality of their specific situation. It's essential to acknowledge the uncertainty that often comes with a cancer diagnosis.
   
   
2. Make comparisons. Saying something like “my father/cousin/friend also had cancer” can be well intentioned to show that you can relate or understand, but it could actually downplay their feelings instead. Remember that every person's experience with cancer is different. Comparing their situation to someone else's may invalidate their concerns and cause them to feel like they are not being taken seriously. At the same time, you could also inadvertently shift the focus away from your friend's feelings and needs. They may want to talk about their own experiences and emotions without feeling like they have to compete for attention or sympathy.
   
   
3. Declare that they are done with cancer. Cancer does not simply go away after the treatments. Acknowledge that the post-treatment period can also be challenging, emotionally and physically. Your ongoing care and empathy can make a significant difference in their recovery and well-being. Consistently check in with them, but don't overdo it.

It can be challenging to talk to someone with prostate cancer because we are afraid we may accidentally say something insensitive. This may make us hesitant to approach them, even if we care. However, it is important to remember that our companionship and support can play a crucial role in our loved one’s cancer journey and recovery. Remember to prioritize their well-being, and don’t be afraid to show that you care. It can make a huge difference.