Hi, I'm N, and I'm a breast cancer survivor from Canada.

I had some family history of my mother going through breast cancer, but I didn’t inherit the BRCA genes. So when I was eventually diagnosed with breast cancer, I was numb and angry at my body for betraying me. But just before my scheduled surgery, I woke up one morning and I said out loud, “I’m going to be ok.”

Things started when my family doctor decided it was time for me to get a mammogram. Having hit menopause I previously had a mammogram several years before, and all was clear. I didn’t feel any lumps or anything, no symptoms or illness of any sort, and was generally feeling healthy and good.

I had some family history of my mother going through breast cancer but no BRCA inherited genes. When I got the mammogram, the tech was suddenly asking all sorts of extra questions and taking more pictures and really concentrating on one side. The questions set off alarm bells, and afterwards I was told to expect the report in about 2 weeks. If there was something they would call quickly.

I didn’t hear back for 2 and half weeks and I thought all was good, but then I got a call, saying they would like to take another look just to be certain. I got an initial appointment for a month later, but the next day I got a phone call asking if I could come in this very same week, as they had a “cancellation”. I go in and it’s an ultrasound. The technician does it, then calls in a doctor who also does an ultrasound. They ask the same questions that set off alarm bells. The doctor simply said to me, “It’s cancer my dear. Please make an appointment at one of the breast cancer centres in town. Pick up your report at the desk and go make an appointment. You can go get changed.” And the tech and her left the room.

Afterwards, I was told I had a 90% 5 year survival rate.

After diagnosis, I cut out alcohol completely, and tried to eat a healthier diet most days a week.

I had undergone breast-conserving lumpectomy just to remove the tumor, radiation therapy, and hormone therapy as recommended by my doctors. Currently I’m on hormone therapy. At the time, I remember feeling anxious, a little angry and scared, but also motivated.

Since I was diagnosed, I’ve been numb and angry at my body for betraying me. But a short time before my scheduled surgery, I woke up one morning and I said out loud, “I’m going to be ok.” I was then determined to succeed at getting through this.

The side effects included fatigue, loss of appetite, and weight fluctuations. They were difficult, but I managed them with more exercise and rest. I tried my best to let the body recuperate.

Financially, I was fortunate not to face any difficulties.

Since starting treatment, I've made permanent changes to my lifestyle, especially cutting out alcohol altogether. Since finding out I had cancer, I talk to and visit my parents a bit more often. However, intimate time with my partner fell, but we still manage to have some time together.

With my family, my plans include more travel trips, going to events and finding new, unique activities to try. For myself, I don't really have anything planned, but I would seize the moment for a trip if opportunities appear for a break in my schedule.

My biggest dream now is to plan a trip to Europe and other parts of the world. I want to take the chance to go do something, I don’t want to delay. With my loved ones, I hope to visit places like Peru, Portugal, Spain and not be limited to 2 weeks, but to be able to go for as long as we feel like going.

My biggest fear was the unknown aspects of going through treatments and the effects on the body. I’m a reasonably athletic energetic person and was scared as to what permanent damage might happen. I was so scared that I would have to do chemo. Beyond that, I also feared the cancer would be worse than what the doctor said it would be.

I’ve been working at overcoming this fear, and it’s an ongoing thing. Like I shared earlier, one morning just before my surgery, I woke up and I said out loud, “I’m going to be ok, whatever the prognosis was going to be.” I was then determined to succeed at getting through this.

At my hospital there was a chat group for those recently diagnosed with breast cancer and we had weekly zoom chats with a moderator. It helped so much to have had those guided chats. They also had an online art group and that helped to distract me a lot, and I enjoyed the Zoom art sessions. The participants were very encouraging of everyone's drawings, even if they looked like kindergarten scrawls.

Strangely enough because the world was on lockdown with the pandemic when I was diagnosed and having my cancer treatment it felt like good timing. Everything was ground to a halt. The world was quieter - we all had to stay home and just relax and wait it out. That helped calm my fears down about “trying to get back to how I was before as fast as possible”. I realized that I was not going to be able to go back to what I was before and so that self imposed pressure was gone. I was able to just sleep as much as I wanted, do nothing or putter around, and not have the pressure to be back to anything “normal”. The fact that my doctor had a lot of confidence during my surgery/treatment, played a huge part in helping me overcome my fears. I also took a lot of walks and still do to this day.

Now, I still feel perplexed, and disappointed in my body giving me cancer. However I feel more neutral, and more optimistic. I feel courageous, hopeful, thankful and grateful now.

To others, I would say: “Getting a cancer diagnosis is truly a journey in so many ways. There are the emotions, the body recuperating from the treatments and mental strength of dealing with the course of treatments and the hospital system. Here is the thing, don’t allow cancer to be the only definitive aspect of you - it is a small chapter of our lives. Laugh, scream, cry - you are allowed to mourn who you were before cancer, but you can also look forward to your new chapters post-treatments. Medical science is profoundly changing survival rates, quality of life and that is something to celebrate.”